Sunday, October 22, 2006

Red Skelton's Recipe

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wi fe everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.


6 She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place
to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.


7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."


8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.


9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" .. The driver said "No, jump in!"


10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.


11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.


12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.


13. The last fight was my fault though.
! My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"


Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it.........this is the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........just clean and simple fun

Husband & Wife - Love To Do
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."


Husband & Wife - No Answer Back
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her." One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

Husband & Wife - Come Home Late
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy." "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

6 comments:

Barb said...

I loved Red Skelton. You're right. He was a funny, funny man and never used bad language. He was actually a nice guy.

And these jokes bring back a lot of memories of watching his show on TV. Thank you for sharing them.

lori said...

I have to admit, these are from my mom. I have no idea who Red skelton is?

dot said...

Lori, I know who he is. LOL. I don't think my daughter would know either. He was a commedian and had his own tv show. He must surely be dead by now.

e-Mom said...

Your Mom is at it again! Where does she collect all these great laughs? I remember Red Skelton on T.V. when I was little. I didn't like him much then... probably because I didn't get the jokes! (Now, of course, I do!)

mouse said...

When I was a little kid I used to watch Red Skelton with my great grandmother, I think I liked his show but I remember she sure did. Thanks for the memories.

lori said...

Dot, emom, and mouse,

Boy I wish I could say I remember watching Red Skelton on t.v. but I just don't remember. I think my likes the fact that I am enjoying her emails.

I tell her how she is making other laugh and she likes that.