Friday, August 25, 2006

Disappointments

I talked to my brother yesterday, my dad did call him. He said that dad told him he would like to sit down and talk to him, if my brother thought he could have a civil conversation. Oh boy, did this set my brother off. I guess to me you just don't say that to someone that you want to reconcile with. Maybe, it is too late for them to have a relationship. I really don't know? I have just given it over to the Lord.

After talking to by brother, I can understand now what is going on. I wrote about my brother’s daughter being in the hospital. I guess before all of that took place, my brother and my dad talked about going Up North together and going to Mackinaw Island. My Niece got out of the hospital, I think on a Friday. On Sunday my dad informed my brother that he was going to go Up North with his brother. (My uncle) My brother was upset but didn't say anything. The next weekend my brother headed Up North to meet my dad and step-mom. Through a lot of misunderstanding, I guess my dad left to come home. (Back to my brothers) My brother returned home and my dad and him worked side by side for a week working to remodel my brother’s rental home. My brother said my dad knew he was upset about the trip but my dad never approached him about it. (Bad mistake) My dad than without any warning to my brother at all packed up and told my brother he was moving out to my Uncles house. (He came in an RV) He told him he wanted to spend time with him but he would be around for a while still.

This brought back some very bad memories with my brother. He said, he remembered my dad taking him hunting and sitting him down and telling him he wouldn't be around much longer and that he didn't know when he would see him again. (My brother was 7 at the time)I understand now why he was so upset. It was the disappointment, the fear of not seeing him for a long time.

I thought about this last night at work. I related all of this to a dad that would tell his son on Friday, son I am going to take you to a baseball game. Friday came and the boy was real excited to spend some time with his dad. The boy asked when they were going to leave, and the dad told him he was sorry, but he wouldn't be able to take him, because he was in a golf tournament. I understand my brother just can't take the disappointment anymore. He would rather cut ties than to keep going through all the disappointment my dad has put him through. My dad on the other hand thinks he should be able to leave when he wants to without having to tell anyone anything. His wife told me he was tied to a job for 30 years. We bought this RV so we could come and go as we please.

I told my brother I wouldn't call and bother him again about all of this. I told him he would have to make up his mind, if this is really what he wants. I have done all I can, it is in the Lord's hands.

I will remember to be responsible with my words and vows! I know things are going to happen, and try as we might, we can't always follow through with what we say we are going to do. I just don't want it to be a pattern in my life.

Titus 2:7-8 In all things showing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine showing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.

God desires us to be moral witness in our daily walk and that includes our morals. The words that we speak and the promises that we make demonstrate our Christian values. This is because of the people around us watching. (Like my brother) We must value our words as if they were gold. People might see Jesus through our eyes if we are honest with our words. I'm going to avoid criticism and hurt by listening before I speak and honoring what I commit to do. I am going to try and e sound of speech and honest with my promises!

9 comments:

Prayer Warrior said...

Many thanks for dropping by my blog and your comment. I hope everything has been sorted out.

Have a nice weekend ahead and keep trusting in God, He is in control in all situation. :)

Revee said...

Lori, I know it's hard to be in the middle. From what you said it sounds like neither your dad or brother are willing to communicate to each other. This really is a necessity if they are going to reconcile. Words sent through others are never the same as words from one's own lips. I will pray that both of these men will realize this need. Revee

lori said...

Prayer warrior,

As you so graciously said; I will keep trusting in God. He can only control
all of this.

Revee,

Thank you so much for this wonderful comment. You have no idea how much I
needed to read this right now. I get myself all worked up over things I can
do nothing about. Prayer is the answer.

God bless you my sister in Christ

Jim said...

Lori, you have been through a lot with this. You have tried, you haven't failed. You have shown them the errors of their ways. Planted the seeds of knowing what is right.
Now you stand back and pray. Help if you can, but wait to see if the harvest comes through.

You last paragraph is what I have committed to with my speaking. ["I'm going to avoid criticism and hurt by listening before I speak and honoring what I commit to do."]
Not my speech. I gave that to the Lord quite a few years ago. When I even think a cuss word the Holy Spirit chastises me.
..

lori said...

Jim,

Thank you for your thoughtful and kind words. There is really nothing else I can do with this situation, but stand back and pray (as you put it so well)
Thank you for your support this week.

e-Mom said...

Ouch, I do feel for your brother (and of course for your Dad too.) You have done so much to try to rectify things. Is there a professional therapist, counselor, or pastor that your brother and father could meet with? You are all in my prayers.

lori said...

e-mom,

My brother attends the church I am a member of. I'm not sure if he would meet with my Pastor or not? I talked to my brother again last night about a different matter, but this one came up again. I didn't bring it up he did., I went to see my sisters daughter in the hospital and his response was basically telling me I could do all the family things now, than he made a smart response saying "I'm sure you will go see dad when you are done" I laughed it off, but I know this is the way it will be from now on. Very sad!!! I don’t want to hurt my brother, but I have no reason to break fellowship with my dad.

Patricia Pomeroy Tanner said...

Lori, I put this on one of your previous posts but I think it is more appropiate here. Maybe your dad is under pressure from another source. I don't want to say but who else in his life would be demanding his attention? Sometimes a person dosn't feel secure enough to give a loved one space. [not you] This problem will go on my prayer list.

Bless you and your family.

lori said...

Patricia,

I do believe you are correct in your assessment of all of this. His wife could never have children. It has been the two of them for 28 years. We don't know her (My sister, brother and myself) at all. She has only been to see us maybe 3 times in their 28 years of marriage. She told me she doesn't feel that my brother should expect my dad to tell him (my brother) when or where he is going. She feels if my dad wants to up and leave that should be his business not ours. (My brothers) My dad is getting a lot of pressure from her. She doesn't like my sister at all, and my sister is not in my dad’s life. Now it is just me.