Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Having a submissive Heart and a Christ like Attitude!

As my husband and I talked last night before we went to bed, I told him about a caller that called into a radio talk show I was listening to on my Motor route yesterday. This woman said that her and her husband had been married for 25 years, they fought all the time. Two years ago her husband handed her a book and asked her to read it. 10 months ago her husband passed away from a Brain Aneurysm, he died on the spot. She just found the book he handed her and read it! (It was a book on how they could save their marriage) The lady was crying, she was so remorseful. Two years ago she was to prideful to read the book her husband gave her to read. She said, "I read the book praying that God may someday give her another chance at love".

As I laid next to my husband last night, I told him how my life is changing. He said he has seen it, I PLT for that. I tell my story praying that it will change one persons life. God didn't give up on me, He is still growing and molding me into the "Image of Christ". I have a long way to go, it is not happening over night. It is a very long process, I am just now getting to the point were I will let God lead me and let other people into my life. I am still learning how to be a Godly wife, mom, and friend to others. Through reading His "WORD" and learning from Godly examples, I will continue to grow and be more Christ like. Giving Him all the glory, the glory only He deserves.

More of my life story:

After the death of our son Joshua, my husband and I seemed to be fighting all the time. I was a very insecure person! My husband and I were very young in the Lord, (By God's grace), it was enough to keep us together, but not enough to keep us from fighting all the time. I don't know how many times my husband left me, (we only had one car, so he went off walking home to his parents many times. Sometimes I let him get pretty far before I went and picked him up. I just can't believe how awful I was, it is very hard to write all of this down) I didn't want to be with him, yet I didn't want to be without him. Looking back on my life, I see now, that most of our fights were caused by me, my jealousy, my controlling attitude, my pride, my selfishness, my bitterness. I tried to control him and mold him into the little toy, the puppet I wanted him to be. My husband has a very strong personality and would never go for something like that. PTL!!!!

Rebecca was born 10 months (to the day) from Joshua's birthday. I had a miscarriage a year later, Aaron was born two years after that.

When Rebecca was 8 months old, I landed a job working in an Accounts Payable department. I loved working with numbers, this job was wonderful. I had taken many accounting classes in school and was the accounting teacher's helper my senior year of High School. All of this prepared me for my accounting job. I worked my way up in my department until I was head over it; as I look back, this wasn't the best thing in the world. I wasn't happy with my marriage and I wouldn't allow myself to get to close to my husband or my children. I loved all of them but was always afraid that I would lose them. I couldn't handle thinking about losing another person in my life so I turned all my attention to my work. At one point I was working from 7:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. at night. This left my mom and my husband to care for our children. At that point in my life, I couldn't see that I was putting my family at the bottom of the list, but I was. I thought I was helping out, instead I was once again, controlling every situation that came up in our lives.

As I look back over those years, I just can not believe I thought I was being a good wife and mother. After the death of our son, I held everyone at arms length, including my husband and my children. I had a wall built so high no one could get to me unless I let them. I would never let anyone or anything hurt me again, (I wouldn't allow it) not by a man,(Bret's father left me when I was seven months pregnant) not by a lose, not by anything or anyone. I wouldn't let anyone get to close to me. As my husband has told me many times, my son Bret, was the only thing that I cherished.

When our son Aaron was five, my husband told me he would like for me to have another child. I couldn't even believe that he would ask me to go through that again. I fought him with all of my might. I loved my job and thought that another child would just get in the way. I finally told him (instead of submitting) that I would have another child (everything had to be on my terms) but I wanted it to be before I turned 30. I got pregnant when I was 29, and had the twins 3 days before I turned 30.

I never wanted, or even thought about, having twins. Like I said, I loved my job and thought I'd go right back to work after I had this baby. I remember my first office visit to the doctor's. "Let me back track for a minute". The day before going to my first office visit, one of my employee's asked me if I would be coming back to work after the baby was born. I jokingly said, "Yes, unless I have twins". I went to my first office visit trying to explain to the doctor why at three months pregnant I was so big. I told him, "I must have the dates wrong" and "I must be eating to much". He said "let's take a look to see what's going on and how big the baby is". He said "Oh, I see the problem, you are carrying twins". I didn't even want to have one baby,let alone twins. Some people cry, I started laughing. It ended up being an out of control laugh. I couldn't believe that God could have such a sense of humor, that He would do this to me. Instead of looking on it as the blessing that it was, I could only see it as a big joke. The doctor make me call my husband before I left that office so I could get myself under control.

I remember calling my husband and telling him I was pregnant with twins. He said, "God has answered my prayers". I had no idea he was praying that I would have
twins. May God bless him for being such a wonderful husband and father.

Looking back, I can see now that it was all in God's perfect plan for our lives. God had to stop me dead in my tracks and humbled me. I wasn't suppose to be that working woman. After the twins were born, it was a turning point in my husband's and my life. I still had a lot of growing in the Lord to do, (I still have a lot of growing in the Lord to do) so I could be the wife and mother God called me to be, but it started me on the right track.

Tomorrow is the Twins 13th Birthday! I can't imagine our lives without these two very funny boy's. As soon as I can, I'll try to write about my husband and the twins. My husband just didn't stop at praying for us to have twins, he helped me every step of the way and still does. I had to stop working when I was 5 months pregnant due to the fact twins normally (not in my case) are born early. My husband worked two jobs so I could stay home (and not worry)while I waited to have our twins.


Mike M said...

Great post! God has a way of making everything work out. We may not see it right away, but over time we will.

e-Mom said...

Wonderful stories, Lori. I can't believe your husband prayed for twins. I have never heard of that! Looking forward to hearing more about the two of them. Your man is a keeper... as I've said before. :~)

dot said...

I'm enjoying this! Keep it up!