Monday, July 07, 2008

"Wives respect your Husband" Ephesians 5:33-It's Marriage Monday

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I think one of the top problems in a marriage is the wife showing respect to her husband. Over and over I hear how woman talk to there husband's and disrepect them. Even belittle them to others! I believe if we want a healthy marriage, we need to set aside selfishness and live for the other person. Do I always feel like sacrificing for my husband? No, I would love to be selfish at times and only think about myself. That is not really even what I want to write about today. I want to write about the way I hear woman talk to their husband's or disrespect their husband's.

These are a few things I have picked up from from the Scriptures today.
Characteristics of love listed in I Corinthians 13.

Not provoked--not responding in irritation but self-control realizing God will not give more then we can bear

Not taking into account a wrong suffered--not bringing up past failings but instead forgiving and forgetting as Christ has forgiven us 1

Not rejoicing in unrighteousness but rejoicing in truth --not enticing her husband to sin but "stimulating to love and good deeds"

Bearing all things -- sacrificing self and committing to your husband

Believing all things -- believing the best and holding to God's promise "that all things work together for good..."

Hoping all things -- having firm hope in God and trusting "all things" to the hand of God including her husband and marriage and

Enduring all things -- seeing trials as opportunity to become more like the Lord Jesus Christ We saw that these things do not come naturally to us but instead we must diligently work at "putting on love" in our lives.

Let’s see what the wife is being called to.

1. The wife is responsible to take action. Some people subtly criticize the command to submission by wrongly interpreting it to mean ‘to lose motivation and sense of purpose.’ It is the other way around. She is to be full of attention and action. She is alert respecting her husband. At the end of the age every wife will be asked to whether she respected her husband. Responsibility means accountability. The husband will be responsible for how the home went because he is head. But she will be responsible for how she respected her husband.

2. The wife might seem surprised at her prime focus to fear or respect her husband. She might wonder how can a great marriage be built on a command to fear her husband. Part of the confusion is what fear means. Part of it is what the world nonstop keeps saying.

The Chinese have two words for fear. One is afraid and the other is ‘in awe of.’ I think the later sense is much more proper. The wife needs to realize no matter how foolish her husband is and how much he focuses on fulfilling his own lusts, he is still her head. Marriage defines the context in which men and women grow. If a women does well in this area, then she will do well in lots of areas. If she does poorly here, then she will have trouble with all things.

I pray this will touch your heart if you find that you are a woman who doesn't "respect your husband". I fear too many women would call themselves respectful but if their husbands were asked to honestly answer this questions, they would have to deny her reverence. Perhaps we are submissive but not reverent or respectful. Even a child can obey because he knows the consequences of disobedience but show by attitudes and actions that it was not from a heart of love. Do we submit begrudgingly or do we lovingly submit showing respect and honor for the position God has given our husbands as head of the home?

Have you ever made your husband feel foolish? I want to write down an example that I heard of how we can make our husband's feel foolish. There was a lady that told of a time when her husband was getting ready to go to church planning to wear a shirt and tie that didn't match. She sarcastically said, "You're not going to wear that tie are you?" He told her he was and wanted to know what was wrong with it. Upon reflection later she realized that her question had made him feel foolish because obviously, he had planned to wear that outfit.

The wife is to "see to it that she respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). She should be a "helper suitable" (Genesis 2:20) offering helpful suggestions instead of "put-downs". Scripture gives numerous examples of wives showing disrepect to their husband. Job's wife told him to "curse God and die!" (Job 2:9) instead of supporting him in his time of trial. When she saw King David dancing for joy, his wife, Michal, made fun of David instead of rejoicing with him that the ark was being returned to Jerusalem.

But Scripture does also give us some postive examples of those who did show respect to their husbands. Bathsheba "bowed with her face to the ground, and prostrated herself before the king and said, May my lord king David live forever" (I Kings 1:31) Queen Esther approached King Ahasuerus with respect saying "...if it please the king...my petition and my request is if I have found favor in the King's sight..." (Esther 5:4). Sarah is commended in I Peter 3:6 for she "obeyed Abraham, calling him lord" . We are told in this same passage that we can be like the holy women of old by practicing this same attitude. Ephesians 5:33 says "....let the wife see to it that she respects her husband." It doesn't matter that this goes completely contrary to what is being taught by the world today. This is what God requires of us.

Here are five Biblical Principles for Respecting our Husbands.

They are:

1. The wife is to respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

2. The wife is to respect his position. I Corinthians 11:3

3. The wife is to act in a respectful manner. Proverbs 31:23

4. The wife is to reprove her husband respectfully. Colossians 4:6

5. The wife who is disrespectful may experience severe consequences. Galatians 6:1

I challenge you to listen to the tone of voice you answer your husband in, listen to how you talk about your husband to others, listen to the words you use to respond to his questions, even evaluate your body language.

Are we showing true "reverence' for our husbands or deceiving ourselves?

How do others evaluate the relationship they see between us and our husbands?

Can we repair the damage done by our disrespectful attitudes in the past?

What are some practical things we can do to show our husbands respect?

I hope we will all honestly search our hearts and see if we are obeying God's command to respect our husbands.

Love in Christ,

Lori

164 comments:

Susan said...

Lori,

This was awesome, and so true. I really wish I would of included this very important aspect in keeping our marriage honoring to God and to our husbands. When I posted today...

Great scriptures!!

I'm so excited to read your hubby is on the way home, enjoy♥

Peculiar said...

Lori, this was a very good post and Scripture-reference filled. I needed that. I've seen these passages before and know what they mean, but I needed the refresher and reminder, and I often need to be called back to following the commands and the designs to which God has set before us for marriage. We're not perfect, and we fall short, but our desire should be to get back on track with the Lord and ask Him to head our marriages and help us respect the head He has placed in our homes. I know people who would feel like what we're discussing is so archaic and binding (in a bad way), but we both know that there is such pleasure and freedom in doing things God's way instead of man's. Thanks for your words in this post. I'm glad I visited.

e-Mom said...

Good message, strong preaching! While our men need to hear about unconditional love again and again, we need to be reminded to be (unconditonally) respectful again and again. Our innate needs are SO different, and we forget so easily.

Bless you, Lori. And thanks for contributing to Marriage Monday, today. Hugs!

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

You know I am so glad you mentioned tone of voice and body language. I can easily make that shift from respectful to non respectful without even realizing it. God has been showing me though when it happens. I am so thankful for that.
BLessings,
Angela

a woman found said...

That was a very convicting post! Thank you Lori for writing it just as you did. It's easy to slip into selfishness and disrespect especially with our husbands. God created something that reveals His glory when He created the role of husband...HE deserves us to show Him the honor of what He created when He created a husband by respecting the husband.

I needed to remember these truths. And I'll be saving this post to prayerfully let the Lord examine my heart in these questions you've asked.

thank you!
sheila

Greg C said...

Great post Lori. I think some of the things you mentioned go both ways too. Too often we hold on to the past instead of forgiving and going on with our lives. We all make mistakes but God forgives us so we need to forgive others. I am interested in seeing what kind of responses you get.

Rachelle said...

Great thoughts! We all need the reminder of how to treat our spouse. I'm sure I need to work on my "tone". Thanks also for stopping by my blog.

Donetta said...

Well said! Good day to your Dear Lady.
We are not just to be women we are to be a Lady. A seaming lost art.

MiPa said...

Learning to always show respect to my husband (especially to others but also when we are alone) was a turning point in making a good marriage great. Thanks for sharing this today.

Toia said...

Respect is often overlooked in a marriage. It's very sad when a man can get more respect on his 9 to 5 job than in his home. Thanks for the reminder.

Tammy said...

This is a hard lesson for so many women...but a truth we need to hear!

In my post this week, I made mention of two of the sources we had found in our marriage which had helped us, and linked to them. One of them was the "Love and Respect" series...we learned so much and it was life changing in that it showed us how the primary need of a man is to feel respected and primary need of a woman is to feel loved.

Good post here with so much wisdom!
~Tammy

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

very well said! thank goodness, I don't have the problem :)

Jan Parrish said...

I applaud you for this post. We need to be praising our spouses and supporting them.

Lori said...

Thanks everyone for your comments on my post. I'm still striving to be a good wife myself.

Clyde said...

Lori,
Thank you so very musch for that awsome teaching. My wife and I were having a dicussion on last night about her respect towards me. I shared with her that I felt we had different definitions and neede to consult the word and additonal resources. Your teaching covered everything my spirit was searching for her to receive. It is very hard being the one help accountable for the household, but even hard when you help causes you to feal inadequete in that position. G-d bless you for sharing such a life transforming word. I pray ALL wives in a place of disrespect will receive it so that they will be better able to help us the husband be the men of G-d we should be for them and our families. B Blessed!

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Bree said...

Praise the Lord to you all.
I do understand the important of respecting and referencing your husband, but I wish to ask this, what do you do in a siduation where the husband has been disrespecting you in how he's talk to you in way of using you and the family as slaves. Don't stand up for you as thinking you as really a nobody, and not really focus on being a husband, but a 'King'?? and then.. this is the SECOND TIME AROUND after 25years of seperation. what do i do?

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