Monday, November 05, 2007

It's Marriage Monday!

E-mom is the host of "Marriage Monday" The topic is "Wives Summitting". You can click over to her blog and see what she has to say on the subject. Submission is a Decision not a Dirty Word Down below is my thoughts on the subject.

The wife is to submit to the authority of her husband and the husband is to love his wife as his own body: Oh boy, this is hard for me to follow at all times. I say "I submit as much as I can". My husband says, "I submit when I want to". Sounds a lot different than what this scripture teaches.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Eph. 5:22-33).

This does not mean that a man may misuse his authority, because if he loves his wife he will sacrifice for her as Christ did for the church. It does mean, however, that he is the head of the family. As head he also bears the first responsibility. He can provide the needed leadership only if his wife respects and submits to his authority.

I think one of the top problems in a marriage is the wife showing respect to her husband. Over and over I hear how woman talk to there husband's and disrepect them. Even belittle them to others! I believe if we want a healthy marriage, we need to set aside selfishness and live for the other person. Do I always feel like sacrificing for my husband? No, I would love to be selfish at times and only think about myself. That is not really even what I want to write about today. I want to write about the way I hear woman talk to their husband's or disrespect their husband's.

These are a few things I have picked up from from the Scriptures today.
Characteristics of love listed in I Corinthians 13.

Not provoked--not responding in irritation but self-control realizing God will not give more then we can bear

Not taking into account a wrong suffered--not bringing up past failings but instead forgiving and forgetting as Christ has forgiven us 1

Not rejoicing in unrighteousness but rejoicing in truth --not enticing her husband to sin but "stimulating to love and good deeds"

Bearing all things -- sacrificing self and committing to your husband

Believing all things -- believing the best and holding to God's promise "that all things work together for good..."

Hoping all things -- having firm hope in God and trusting "all things" to the hand of God including her husband and marriage and

Enduring all things -- seeing trials as opportunity to become more like the Lord Jesus Christ We saw that these things do not come naturally to us but instead we must diligently work at "putting on love" in our lives.

Let’s see what the wife is being called to.

1. The wife is responsible to take action. Some people subtly criticize the command to submission by wrongly interpreting it to mean ‘to lose motivation and sense of purpose.’ It is the other way around. She is to be full of attention and action. She is alert respecting her husband. At the end of the age every wife will be asked to whether she respected her husband. Responsibility means accountability. The husband will be responsible for how the home went because he is head. But she will be responsible for how she respected her husband.

2. The wife might seem surprised at her prime focus to fear or respect her husband. She might wonder how can a great marriage be built on a command to fear her husband. Part of the confusion is what fear means. Part of it is what the world nonstop keeps saying.

The Chinese have two words for fear. One is afraid and the other is ‘in awe of.’ I think the later sense is much more proper. The wife needs to realize no matter how foolish her husband is and how much he focuses on fulfilling his own lusts, he is still her head. Marriage defines the context in which men and women grow. If a women does well in this area, then she will do well in lots of areas. If she does poorly here, then she will have trouble with all things.

I pray this will touch your heart if you find that you are a woman who doesn't "respect your husband". I fear too many women would call themselves respectful but if their husbands were asked to honestly answer this questions, they would have to deny her reverence. Perhaps we are submissive but not reverent or respectful. Even a child can obey because he knows the consequences of disobedience but show by attitudes and actions that it was not from a heart of love. Do we submit begrudgingly or do we lovingly submit showing respect and honor for the position God has given our husbands as head of the home?

Have you ever made your husband feel foolish? I want to write down an example that I heard of how we can make our husband's feel foolish. There was a lady that told of a time when her husband was getting ready to go to church planning to wear a shirt and tie that didn't match. She sarcastically said, "You're not going to wear that tie are you?" He told her he was and wanted to know what was wrong with it. Upon reflection later she realized that her question had made him feel foolish because obviously, he had planned to wear that outfit.

The wife is to "see to it that she respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). She should be a "helper suitable" (Genesis 2:20) offering helpful suggestions instead of "put-downs". Scripture gives numerous examples of wives showing disrepect to their husband. Job's wife told him to "curse God and die!" (Job 2:9) instead of supporting him in his time of trial. When she saw King David dancing for joy, his wife, Michal, made fun of David instead of rejoicing with him that the ark was being returned to Jerusalem.

But Scripture does also give us some postive examples of those who did show respect to their husbands. Bathsheba "bowed with her face to the ground, and prostrated herself before the king and said, May my lord king David live forever" (I Kings 1:31) Queen Esther approached King Ahasuerus with respect saying "...if it please the petition and my request is if I have found favor in the King's sight..." (Esther 5:4). Sarah is commended in I Peter 3:6 for she "obeyed Abraham, calling him lord" . We are told in this same passage that we can be like the holy women of old by practicing this same attitude. Ephesians 5:33 says "....let the wife see to it that she respects her husband." It doesn't matter that this goes completely contrary to what is being taught by the world today. This is what God requires of us.

Here are five Biblical Principles for Respecting our Husbands.

They are:

1. The wife is to respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

2. The wife is to respect his position. I Corinthians 11:3

3. The wife is to act in a respectful manner. Proverbs 31:23

4. The wife is to reprove her husband respectfully. Colossians 4:6

5. The wife who is disrespectful may experience severe consequences. Galatians 6:1

I challenge you to listen to the tone of voice you answer your husband in, listen to how you talk about your husband to others, listen to the words you use to respond to his questions, even evaluate your body language.

Are we showing true "reverence' for our husbands or deceiving ourselves?

How do others evaluate the relationship they see between us and our husbands?

Can we repair the damage done by our disrespectful attitudes in the past?

What are some practical things we can do to show our husbands respect?

I hope we will all honestly search our hearts and see if we are obeying God's command to respect our husbands.


Robyn said...

You bring up a lot of great points. The one that sticks with me the most is about selfishness.

Unfortunately I was around a lot of divorce as a child. After my parents divorced, they were both involved in other divorces. In each instance, the root of the problem was selfishness. They had a hard time putting the other's needs above their own. I often say that is the number one marriage killer.

Its not easy, but putting the needs of our spouses ahead of our own makes all the difference!

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I enjoyed your blog, as well!!

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Great post! Love how you used 1 Corinthians 13 along with Ephesians 5. Thanks for making me think!

Lifting a prayer for your marriage.

Kathy said...

Wow, you really made me stop and think about whether I am really treating my husband respectfully. I will be more aware of it now. I teased him this weekend by telling him that I willingly submitted. He had to work Saturday and told me to go out and buy myself a couple of new dresses. Yes, I willingly submitted to that!

Susan said...

Hey Lori,

Thanks for stopping by today. I really enjoyed your post. You gave me many gentle reminders of things I needed to hear.

I really enjoyed this!

Blessings to you,


Tammy said...

Such wonderful points!
You spoke a lot about respect and I almost wrote about this, as well...because this past year my husband and I attended the monthly seminar of Love and Respect. And although women do need to be respected and men do need to be loved, the primary needs of each us is the opposite. Men crave respect. And for the past 20 years, the trend has been to put men down...on commercials and sitcoms we see it all the time! And all too often I've heard what came out of my own mouth and it was not pretty. I'm really working on letting my husband feel more respected...and in turn, he is working on making me feel more loved!

Wonderful post!

(And by the way, I'm also 44...and when I first saw your picture I thought it was you and your baby- not grandbaby! Even though I'm your age, my children are only 5 and 8!) :)

JeanetteYork said...

great post! i too loved the way you joined the 2 passages of Scriptures. i too, cannot believe the things i hear christian women say about their husbands, the very men they vowed to cherish and love. wow. i have vowed to now speak in an ill way of my husband to other women, cuz i don't want his character marred by my words (which may be said in the heat of the moment, or a pms day!!). like your blog...

Jana said...

Great post! I know one thing I am careful to never do is belittle my husband to other people. We are a united front and if anyone tries to insult my husband, they're going to have to deal with me! And I know he does the same for me.

Living Beyond said...

WOW - a few of those thoughts really pierced my heart. Last night I was watching a mindless show - it flashed back to the 1930's and showed a man getting really upset with his wife because she no longer viewed him as her hero!

It made me wonder whether my husband is confident that he is my hero. Do I make him feel like he is my hero???

Things to think on - thank you!

e-Mom said...

This was a very thoughtful and well-written post, Lori! You seem to have so many important points down pat.

This especially spoke to me: The wife is responsible to take action. Some people subtly criticize the command to submission by wrongly interpreting it to mean ‘to lose motivation and sense of purpose.’ It is the other way around. She is to be full of attention and action. She is alert respecting her husband. Very powerful, sister!

Thanks for linking up at Marriage Monday today.

BIG hugs, e-Mom

Jan Parrish said...

I love the part about respect.

Men equate respect with love and if we don't give them respect, they feel unloved. Respect is essential.

Teresa said...

I commend you for this teaching so many times women try to conform to the world instead of the word. Our husbands are our lords and we must submitt if we want to be a part of abrahams blessings.

Connie Marie said...

This is so good. I need to be reminded to be respectful towards my husband. He is so loving that sometimes it's not only easy to be submissive to him but to also feel comfortable enough to carelessly spout off.

While struggling with a spiritual problem recently I told my husband that I really wanted to honor him in all my ways and words, then just to show that without Christ to strengthen me I selfishly said something awful to him... IN CHURCH too!!!!

I have apologized but I sure wish that I didn't say this to him in the first place!

Thanks for your words.

Amel's Realm said...

WONDERFUL post!!!! It's VERY beneficial for me, a young wife he he he he...Gotta start well so I can begin to form good habits. :-))))

Deepak Gopi said...

Great post.
Accepting others as they are could put an end to divorces.
haapy divali to you and family

Kristy said...

You are one beautiful gal, Lori.
**big hugs**
I may have mentioned this before; when asked during our homestudy for this adoption, what my husband appreciated about me he said "the way she lifts me up to others". I about fell out of my chair - that he even voiced that. How would he know? He isn't always around when I'm talking to friends.....
I think we'd be suprised how much they do know - it shows.
Love ya girl~

Lori said...

I wanted to thank you all for your wonderful comments. I really have enjoyed "Marriage Monday" I pray you'll have as well.

I can't wait to see what the topic is for next month.