Humor

Talking Parrot

submitted by:
Monica, Portland Oregon

A burglar was going through a condo, he came across a parrot, and the parrot said, "God is watching you." The burglar just ignored it.

The parrot said, more loudly this time, "God is watching you, and Jesus is coming!"

The burglar asked the parrot, "If you're so smart, then what's your name?"

The parrot replied, "Moses."

"What kind of moron names a parrot Moses?" laughed the burglar.

The parrot replied, "The same fool who named his two pit bulls God and Jesus."

An Arm and a Leg

submitted by:
Tommy - Grand Rapids, MI

The first man, Adam, was relaxing in the Garden of Eden when God said, "Adam, how would you like someone to prepare your meals, clean your house and wash your clothes, someone that loves and adores you and will obey your every wish?"

Adam said, "That sounds pretty good, but how much will it cost me?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Adam thought about it for a little while, then asked, "Well, what can I get for just one rib?"

Redneck Jokes

Redneck Love Poem

submitted by:
Roy Butler - Athens, TN

Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds......
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!